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Comedy Artist: Larry The Cable Guy
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Bio:
Check out Sirius Satellite Radio's 2006 World Series Of Comedy. Every vote counts! Vote here!
Git-R-Done! I had some camera man take my picture commin' out of a bathroom stall in the other day. I guess you could say I'm being followed by the pooparazzi! I should have an advice column and I'll tell ya why. A buddy of mine is feeling guilty about sleeping with his third cousin. My advice... If you feeling guilty about it, then quit counting 'em! Remember that song Pinball Wizard? Last week at Chuckee Cheese I met a deaf, dumb, blind kid, that couldn't play pinball for crap! I knew that song was BS! Now on to some concerning news. I think my nephew is sleeping with his 6th grade teacher. We can't confirm it but my sister said last week he came home from school and had 3 gold stars on his nuts! (Lord I apologize!) Before I update let me give ya a news item. I've about had it with that ass wipe Osama Bin Laden or however ya spell it. I no longer will take any more of his Alquida video garbage serious after I seen a video of him the other day threatening us wearing a hat that said "Golden Palace.com"! Okay, enough of the nonsence let's update!
I know it been a while since I've updated but I've took about 2 months off to work on the new show and hang out with my new baby boy Wyatt! That's right... I'm a father! (God be with us all.) We were gonna name him Jr. after where he was conceived... the parking lot of Carls Jr.! (BADABOOM) But we named him Wyatt after my Grandma. If you don't have kids you'll never know how awesome it is. Ya can't explain it. It's almost like when I met Jr. Brown... undescribeable! I gotta say though I felt bad for my wife that night. It sucks having a baby. Up all night pushin' and screamin' and pushin' and bitin' down on a stick. Now she knows how I feel a couple hours after I eat 2 meatball hot pockets! Since I'm Larry The Cable Guy, instead of cutting the cord, my baby was connected with a splitter and I had to cut the red, white, and yellow wire. (Sorry, I had to do that joke.) It's just great having a baby and ya really learn things as ya go along. I learned thisthe other day... When a baby won't stop crying, it doesn't help to throw 'em a pigs ear. This is cool... I read where they say if ya play classical music in a childs crib he'll grow up to maybe be a scientist. I'm gonna play him some Alan Jackson CDs so maybe when he grows up he'll be able to fix my truck!
I'm very excited about the new show I've been working on for ya'll and I'm looking forward to the tour. As time goes on it seems like the show just gets better and better and the crowds get bigger and bigger and once again as always thank you for the support. I think this new show is by far the funniest. The new tour picks back up October 5th at the Civic Center in Lake Charles, Louisiana and ends up December 3rd at the iPayone Center in San Diego, California.
I'm filming my new Comedy Central special at the Orpheum in Minneapolis in November for release in early 2007. I've put on hold my trip to Rowanda where I was to film a direct to DVD video called "Girls Gone Hungry" for Playboy. (Oh damn! Was that wrong? Yes... Funny? I gotta say yes!) I wanna thank everyone that bought Health Inspector on DVD and thanks for the great e-mails on it. The critics estimated it would do 500,000 the first week and it did 750,000 the FIRST DAY! So once again, thumbs up to my fans for showin' the so-called experts they're clueless when it comes to Blue Collar anything!
I saw a few finished clips of my new movie Delta Farce with Bill Engvall and DJ Qualls and can't wait till it comes out! You can still see some of the video updates from the set on My Space. Just recently, I was interviewed by 60 minutes' Bob Simon so look for that to air in the next month or two. The weird thing was, just the day before 60 Minutes came over I did an interview where we discussed the sex lives of married people on a program called 60 Seconds!! (I'm here all week!)
Well that's it, finally updated so thanks for being patient. Not to sound like a busted record, but I, not to sound like a busted record, but I, not to sound, I really 'preciate ya'll enjoyin my work and supporting me and I'll keep working hard to keep it fresh and funny. Have a good couple weeks and I'll talk at ya later. I have to go change a diaper, not the babies, mine.
GIT-R-DONE!!!
Larry The Cable Guy
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